Moved to a better place

Thanks for Jingle for featuring this blog on the Week 24 Fresh Poets to Know or Explore. I’ve already moved to another blog, a place where I can’t be reminded of my past and destinies or of dreams. I will continue writing my poems. Thank you for the inspiration.
An Aquarium

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Poem June 21, 2010

Written when I was depressed during the day. (written before the realization, refer to previous post)

My mind is always somewhere else
My hands are in another time and place
They move as if I’m holding you
and that you’re within reach.*
I feel as if I can imagine you to life
If only I would be strong enough.

I would want to live in a world where you exist.
I would want to build a family, a life with you.

The moment I wake up
You’re the one I think about
You’re the one I want to be with

It pains me to be out of bed
’cause I can silently and solemnly be with you.

But the more conscious I am, the more I think of you.
It’s as if I really belong to your world, and not in this life.

I do not know how we’ll meet, how we’ll end up together
But I just hope, really hope
that when I dream of you I’ll never wake up and we’ll be together forever.

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Enjoying the dream

Hello. I had a long conversation with a trusted friend. ANYWAY right now I realized, that I can enjoy the dream, and once again feel it, and also not be too depressed about life. I would just have to think that someone is beside me all the time. Ha, the power of thinking. (Also considered T as Jesus, because He is good all the time.)

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Another comparison

Just like a flower, I’ve already wilted and yet every morning I wake up, lift my wilted body to look out for the sun.

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The greatest book I have ever read and I lost it.

TRUE, refer to the previous post.

That is who I am, without any mask, without any laughter, the real me. For the record, something so honest one will see right through me. That’s who I really am.

A comment regarding the trailer, I love how they portrayed T as Christian Bale, the role fits him perfectly. He’s got a long dark brown hair which T has. (The hair is important, teehee)

i realized once again,

something so wonderful and deep is not earthly it can’t be contained in humans so they die

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Pour your heart out

My life, if i weren’t living this life

questions i have no answers to

Those two lines are potential titles to what I want to write tonight. I’ve been thinking again, for the past few nights. Let me mind talk again..

I was 13 years old when my mom gave me an old pocketbook, it was V.C. Andrews’ Heaven, the first book of the Casteel series. The next book, Dark Angel, totally gripped my heart and had a huge influence on my life.

Numbers and destiny

If the prediction of the Mayans will come true at 2012, then 9 years since I was 13 years old I would die.

I would rather dream than live

Honestly, I haven’t changed and I am sorry for my family. I dream my whole life since I was 13 years old, I waited until I turned 18 but nothing happened and nothing changed, so unfortunately for me. I cried every night when I was 13 years old.

Just like Vanilla Sky

I survived because of the thought of T. And i thought I was H. But I think since T and I are alike, then I must be T in this life and I am looking for my Heaven.

When I die..

My Heaven would include my Heaven. I hope to meet my H right after.

What my dream is all about

A family of my own. I dream of someone, I dream of a house, of a place, of children, of cooking breakfast in the morning, of sleeping with someone. I already told my mom that I’m only holding on to life because I wanted to experience having a family of my own.

But dreams don’t come true.

Right now, I have no direction because of this thought, that dreams don’t come true.. It’s true right. anyone reading this would know that this is a very personal entry, but for the record. I have issues, as my guidance counselor said, especially in relationships. She told me, I should get myself a boyfriend. All my problems would vanish. What the hell right? you just can’t stand in the corner and hope someone comes along (Thank God for our Marriage & Family course!). WHAT THE HELL. to make that happen i need another person! Someone not just in my mind.

In my mind

i have an entire world and life i would like to live. i thought this kind of thinking would end when we left out father but this family and relationship problem stuck with me for far too long (7 years) that it’s in my system already.

i am a walking wounded

It’s hard when you try to walk around life gluing or pasting the pieces of your life when you know it’s beyond repair. A little poking and you’ll break.


I really really really need someone. i love totally.  i give my heart out (only to hear that it will be thrown in a trash can). i care about persons. i really want to take care of you. i want to wake up in the morning and know.

but in life, we don’t know

that is the great mystery. and we have to live to find out and die knowing it.


P.S. After watching the clip inspired by the book, Dark Angel (which is great btw if you read the book your heart will be broken by the trailer), I realized this.. to love something so deeply is rare and not of this world because you’ll end up getting separated in my case, in another life or time. So if I die before knowing the great truth then I want to say sorry to you, that I left behind, to you not knowing. I guess, we’ll just meet right after, I promise you, I’ll wait for you.

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Carve your crayons

I got this from an email subscription from STATUS, and the pictures from Design Fetish.

Crayon carver Diem Chau and W+K had collaborated on a project for Nike in celebration with the World Cup, a press kit for the Write the Future campaign. Six players from different nations were carved. Only eleven press kits were made, I wonder who received them…

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